been reading high fidelity.. found a part there that made me understand myself better.

"it seems to me that if you place music (and books, probably, and films, and plays, and anything that makes you feel) at the center of your being, then you can't afford to sort out your love life, start to think of it as the finished product. you've got to pick at it, keep it alive and in turmoil, you've got to pick at it and unravel it until it all comes apart and you're compelled to start all over again. maybe we all live life at too high a pitch, those of us who absorb emotional things all day, and as a consequence we can never feel merely content: we have to be unhappy, or escstatically, head-over-heels happy, and those states are difficult to achieve within a stable, solid relationship."

this is me. definitely. sadly. truly. bubuli.

eira got flowers from den in multimedia class today. kilig. hehehe.

and yes, i admit, sort of inggit.

not because of the attention, but because of the fact that pau hasn't given me flowers, ever. not a petal, not even a leaf. maski gulay hindi pa.

and being the romantic that i am, that's a big frustration. i sometimes wish he was more expressive, more this and more that. i wish he didn't disapoint me as much, i wish he was more like my brother and less like my father. i wish he did everything i wanted, i wish he did everything right.

but then i think when you love, you have to love fully. you have to accept his flaws. and it has to be a continuous acceptance because he is not perfect and he is bound to do things that will test you time and again.

you can't love a person and expect him to change for you. it is possible, but if he doesn't do it for himself, it will not last.

with love comes contentment. not because you are left with no choice, but because you see that it is all worth it.

in one of the episodes in sex and the city, carrie said:
some people settle down, some people settle, some refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.

i had butterflies, and im settling. we'll see about settling down.

ask me in five years.

"all im saying is that if you believe in a long-term relationship at all, then you have to allow for things happening to people, and you have to allow for things not happening to people. otherwise, what's the use?" -nick hornby, high fidelity


paulo and i are not in good terms. actually, we have been fighting since the year started. we are okay in the sense that we still manage to ask and grant forgiveness for our faults, but you know the feeling when you know that you are not okay? basta, it's hard to explain.

i'm giving it two weeks.

unless we both change. and we both accept each other, flaws and all.. something that we should have done a long time ago.

it is not always easy to do what you think you should do.

and if you're wondering, yes, i want us to be okay. to be more than okay. to be as happy as before. to stop fighting. to be what we were less than a year ago. to learn to trust. to earn the the trust. i want so many things from him, but then, im not so sure if i can give it all in return.

im starting at the supermarket today. part of the requirements for philo 102. im excited.

sana i get assigned to the check out counter. dream ko maging bagger eh. seryoso!

excited na ko talaga! as if hindi kami dun naggrocery pag sunday. heheh.

pictorials later!

my brothers are coming home tonight!

hay, packed ang day ko. pero okay lang. excited pa rin ako.

kakatapos ko lang panoorin yung riles.

ang ganda.

parang bigla akong na-wapakk, napagtanto na ang babaw pala ng mga problema ko kung ikukumpara sa ibang tao. parang nawalan ako ng karapatang magreklamo. kung si pen at eddie nga, natatawid nila ang relasyon at pamilya nila sa gitna ng sobrang kahirapan at paghihikahos, sino ako para magreklamo sa maliliit na problema ko?

i wish i was more like eddie. kalmado, laging nakatawa. parang walang problema. sa simpleng tinapay at keso (na itlog na pula pala), masaya na.

sabi ni eddie kay pen nung nagaaway sila at binato siya ni pen:

"kahit pangit yan mahal ko pa rin yan."

hay. most of all, i wish i had his patience and love.

saludo ako.

i hate mistexts.

especially those that make you wonder if he was just plain stupid or if he really meant for you to get it.

aarrgh!@#$**!

i like lying down on cold marble floors. it relaxes me.

di ko alam kung matatawa ako o ano.

pagbukas ko ng laftaf ko, punta kong my documents. hulaan mo kung anong nakita ko.

ang tumataginting na porn video ng isang maureen larrazabal lookalike. 34 seconds of humping and grinding. ayos.

tsk tsk.. kuya ko talaga. mga lalake talaga oo.

ang aga-aga. almusal ko porno. ayus!

pano kung me makakita at isipin na akin yun? hala.

it's amazing how people can transform themselves.

he was our classmate in fil14 and back then he was chubby, had highlights in his hair and carried a tomato keychain with him.

he shed some pounds over the holidays for footloose (being the lead) and boy does he look better.

wala lang, astig.

opening night kanina!

it was a good show, although i know they could have done a better job. some of the notes were off, tech (the lapels actually) was bad, and the choreo in some scenes weren't that polished.

i didn't get the usual goosebumps i get whenever i watch bluerep shows.

ohwel. maybe it's just me.

but macky.. he carried the show. great acting, dancing even better and his voice blew me away.

pom was great too. so funny. so was anj

ava gave me goosebumps with her songs.

actually, except for some minor sablays in some songs, it was pretty good.