the symposium was a bore. after i played tictactoe with aisa, i switched seats with eleanor so they could play. a friend was seated to my right and he was reading a book about a dragonrider.

may utang pa siya saking palm reading so i told him to pay up na.

sabi niya it seems that my life is neatly partitioned.

that i get affected easily by things.

and then he said something that confused me all the more.

you shouldn't be afraid of the truth. yes, it may throw your life in disorder. it may be completely illogical, but there are times when the things that make you happy seem completely illogical.

and you must remember that opportunities don't come everyday. you must take it now. if you believe that there's a better time to do it, then ok. but you can't not do it just because you're scared.

what's true is true. you can't tell me that it isn't because we both know that it is.

when he was saying all of these things, i kept nodding. i knew what he was talking about, but i wonder if he knew what i was thinking. and if he was thinking of the same thing.

after he let go of my hand, i couldn't remember what i thought i understood.

im awfully confused right now. torn and confused.

it was my brother's wedding yesterday and guess who got the bouquet?

sino pa nga ba? edi ako!

it was weird. i was excited. excited and scared.

as guido put the garter in my leg, they were shouting "higher! higher!"

i wonder how paulo felt. yes, he was there. hehe.

oooh.. i now have the license to get married. kidding!

they came and left again.

the house is too big, it feels shaky without them.

the wedding was a blast. one of the best times of my life. we were complete. i was complete.

i had them all for a few days. now i've lost them all again.

and i can't help but feel like a part of me left with them.

pretty ironic. when they were here, i didn't seem to care as much. but now, all i wish for is just another moment. another short conversation. another hug, a little assurance that i will be okay.

the house is too big, it feels empty.

hindi ko alam kung anong kabaliwan ang sumanib sakin kagabi para masabi ang lahat ng nasabi ko. kung sasabihin mo sa aking aalis ka na, wala akong ibang magagawa kung hindi sabihing mahal kita.

alam ko na kung minsan hindi sapat ang pagmamahal, pero sana, kahit ngayon lang, magtiwala ka.

the rain was right on cue. as soon as i started walking to the covered courts from sec, it drizzled and then it poured.

it felt weird as i passed by the tennis courts. it was my usual path going to training for the last three years. it felt strange that im taking that same path to say goodbye.

i used to feel confident walking in the covered courts. parang siga sa teritoryo niya, because i knew that come 5pm till it closes, the courts by the comfort rooms were ours. but after two months of not training, it didn't feel like home anymore.

i gave coach my letter. i wasn't brave enough to tell it to his face. after he read it, we talked. he asked me if i was decided. i wanted to say i was, but i didn't say anything. he said that the team still needs me, and that i think about it again.

for a while i was tempted to stay. but as i walked out of the covered courts, i already knew what its going to be.

it used to be fun. i used to choose volleyball over most things.

but as coach said, whatever makes me happy. what will make me happy right now is not exactly what will make him happy.

i had the time of my life with the team, especially with the oldies who have already left.

it's about time that i leave, before all the good memories fade out.