sa akin, meron. may kasama pang salad plate at baso.

masarap isipin na kahit windang ako sa araw-araw sa paghahabol ng mga trabahong kailangang tapusin para sa semestreng ito, may bahagi pa rin ng buhay ko na steady lang. hindi ko kailangang madaliin, wala akong deadline na kailangang habulin, hindi ko kailangang mag-cram. walang stress na kakabit.

...

matagal rin akong nagpalipat-lipat ng tinutuluyan. pero ngayon mukhang nakauwi na nga yata ako.

È soltanto lei qui nel mio cuore.

hertkweyk
sobrang natakot ako nung lumindol. biruin mo naman, i was quietly reading the Guidon while doing number 2. tapos biglang umalog yung toilet bowl. nung una kala ko wala lang. nahilo lang ata ako. tapos umulit. at umulit. hala! una talagang pumasok sa isip ko, shet! pano pag gumuho yung bahay namin, tapos they'll rescue me.. mehn, i will literally be in deep shit!

leydi igels
ganda ng game three ng admu lady eagles vs adu. nakatayo ako the whole fourth quarter, i couldn't sit down sa excitement. at sa kwarto ko lang ako nanonood niyan ha. wala lang. i wanted them to win so bad, mababait kasi yung mga yun eh. i remember when we (admu volleyball team) went to Baguio summer ng 2003 to play pick up games with the universities there tapos they were there too. they came over to our rented house in teacher's camp tapos they brought boxes of pizza. bait noh. siguro naawa sila samin kasi kami nakatira sa surot infested house tapos sila nasa camp john hay. ahaha. pero hats off ako, ang ganda nung game. galing nila. congrats! blue eagle the king! (labo, para lang me malagay na emoticon. hehe)

ludwig
pumunta si tita agnes dito kahapon, burdi kasi ni tita olga. kasama niya sila tita baby at si ludwig! si ludwig me cerebral palsy. pero malaki na improvent niya, he can talk na and sorta walk a bit. wala lang super natuwa ako sa kanya kasi peborits niya ako. he was always calling out my name sa mic habang nagvivideoke sila. hehe. tapos when i opened the computer pinapatay na niya ang videoke, manonood na lang daw siya sakin. hehe. such cute kid.

colored!
huwaw! colored daw pala ang aegis namin. coolness. heheh. sayang, kung alam ko lang, i would've picked my national geo creative shot. tsk tsk. ohwel towel.

tea in mp
my cousin asked me to drive him to greenbelt lastnight, e didn't know how to get there and find my way home after. so i asked jope to come with me and be my navigator. super thanks jope! kahit pagod na siya from listening to his students' oral exams from 1 to 7pm e sinamahan pa rin niya ako. we stopped by manila pen for a while for some tea. bonding. labo, i felt like i was falling in love all over again.

tama na, cheesy na to. sige, have a blessed sunday.

i love ateneo at night.

after watching love6tints, i walked to the cornfield where my car was parked. i can feel christmas na, it was so cold. i even rolled my windows down while driving home because i can't get enough of the cold october air. i can't wait till they put up the bellarmine lights. i'm sure it will be wonderful this year, now that i have someone who will appreciate it with me.i guess if there's something i'll miss about ateneo, it will have to be my late night walks or my mcdo meals in the porch of the church of the gesu. kainis, ang senti, cos as i was on the way to the car, i was looking around and i said to myself na shet, mamimiss ko lahat ito.

...


i'm happy. hindi ko alam kung paano ipapaliwanag, pero masaya ako. sa buhay ko, sa lahat. pakiramdam ko sobra akong blessed. tapos ito pa yung tipo ng saya na kalmado, yung steady. basta masaya lang ako. parang wala na akong mahihiling pa. parang kahit anong mangyari, kahit anong ibato sa akin, hindi pa rin matitinag yung saya ko. parang puwede na akong mamatay. ang hirap ipaliwanag, pero paano mo nga ba ipapaliwanag ang isang bagay na hindi mo rin lubusang maintindihan?

basta, masaya ako. sana ikaw rin.

while we were eating in pizza hut, he said he liked the name gabriel. and miguel, and rafael. i said i didn't like the last two, so we kept gabriel. i said if we end up getting married and have kids, i bet we'll fight over the names that we'll give the kids. he agreed and said that he wouldn't let me name our kids zula dakota or whatever weird name i can come up with. i said the names i like aren't so weird and that the second name should at least come from me. he said yes. so i thought of a weird name that i liked. i don't want my kids to have ordinary names so i listed down a few way before. i said ondrej! and he liked it. ondrej gabriel. nice. the food came and the topic was dropped for a while because the roast beef cream cheese stuffed crust pizza was so delicious, it was all we talked about for like five minutes.

but what if we have a girl? he said he liked margarita, i said it sounds too old. he said he liked it because of a certain queen whose life story was made into a movie that he loves. we agreed that our kids will have spanish/latin american sounding names because both our lastnames sound like that. he said he likes the name isabella, but i said that's aisa's name. i said sophia, he said it sounds like a bold star's name. i disagreed, and i guess i was able to change his mind it because after that we were looking for a second name to append to sophia. we finished eating but we still couldn't find a name that goes with sophia. there was stella, emmanuelle, bella, carmen, corazon, and lots of other names that didn't fit or didn't sound right. i said i like asia, and he said it sounds good with sophia. but it reminds me of the viva hotbabe so we dropped it.

and then, i mentioned india arie. i told him i liked her name. he said, it's indie arie, right? i said no, it's india arie. indie arie. india arie! india.arie! it even has a period in between! but he insisted that it's indie arie. and that stupid name (which i so love) started a debate that later on gathered enough heat and then erupted into a fight. damn. shallowness at its best.

but we made up. we're okay now. but i'm not gonna talk about baby names anymore until there are real babies to name.

oh, and by the way, ondrej gabriel is mine. copyright included. if you steal it or use it, even in part, i will sue you. i will de-name your baby, have him baptized to tulume or pelimon. im not kidding.

You've got to laugh a little, cry a little,
until the clouds roll by a little.
That's the story of, that's the glory of love.

siguro may mga bagay lang talaga na hindi na kayang ipaliwanag. at tangkain mang isalin sa salita, hindi kakayaning isalin ng buong-buo ang lenggwahe ng pagmamahal.

siguro may mga tanong rin lang talaga na hindi kayang sagutin. kailangan na lang isipin ng isipin, hindi para makahanap ng sagot, pero para matutunan na lang itong tanggapin.

siguro may mga panahon lang talaga na hindi mo na kayang magsalita. dahil hindi mo na rin alam kung ano ano ang sasabihin mo. at ang tanging magagawa mo na lang ay ang umiyak sa tabi niya, kasabay niya. para sabayan siyang maglabas ng sama ng loob, sabihin sa mga luha ang hindi masabi ng salita, para humingi ng patawad.. pero siguro, mas para iparamdam sa kanya na maging sa panahon man ng kahinaan, hindi ka aalis sa kanyang tabi. susubukan mong maging matatag. pero iiyak ka at iiyak ng muli, dahil ang kalungkutan niya ay kalungkutan mo. dahil ang kirot sa kanya, hapdi sa iyo.

siguro may mga panahon rin lang talaga na kahit pakiramdam mo wala ka nang maibibigay, hindi ka pa rin nauubusan. kahit pagod ka na, nagpapatuloy ka pa rin. dahil nagmamahal ka.

...

para sa hindi nauubusan, para sa nagpapatuloy kahit pagod na, salamat sa pagmamahal.

from enzo's ranch that is. the bluerep evsem was held there. "casa virata" was beautiful. sobrang relaxing yung atmosphere, danda pa ng house. rode a horse, ate and ate, got drunk, stepped on a glass, slept, walked to the campsite, saw a mad cow, ate again. we also talked about bluerep in between the fun and relaxation. i'm pretty happy with the results of the evsem, first sem evaluation was helpful and next year's restructuring sounds promising. sabi nga ni mahar, kung kakayanin, gagawin. go bluerep! kaya yan! :p

...

what i learned over the weekend:
there are so many kinds of lips and kisses. lips like petals, fish lips, gummybears, pucker kisses, rough ones, awkward ones, embarrassing and funny ones. and the list goes on. wah, lasing.


wish i didn't drink too much tho. earned the nickname sex goddess from mahar and gabs. (no dear reader, i didn't get laid. ulul ka for thinking that!) tsk tsk. it's not funny nor flattering, neither it is true.

got my grades this morning. got an A in malikhaing pagsulat: maikling kuwento. wowee. the other grades didn't seem to matter anymore. even the C+ from polsci didn't sting me a bit. i deserved it.

okay na sana, but bad trip lang early reg. i was only able to register for philo, in a class that actually screwed up the schedule i wanted to get originally. hay buhay. i stayed in school all day for one friggin subject i intend to change anyhow, if they allow me to.

ohwel, enough ranting.

on the way home, i dropped by the east cafe carwash. my car must have been nervous, it was the first time vios was gonna get a real car wash. with all the bubbles, foam, and vacuum shit. read the merrily script while waiting. shet, ngayon ko lang siya nabasa fully and mehn, ang ganda. and im not saying this just because im in it.

i love not a day goes by. here are some lines:
as the days go by,
i keep thinking, when does it end?
that it can't get much better much longer
but it only gets better and stronger
and deeper and nearer
and simpler and free-er
and richer and clearer...

...

i must say i miss you. not a day goes by, love. not a day goes by.

my mom called this morning. said she likes her new job in marine county, friendly people and big bucks. asked me about stuff, about the production, about you.

mom: kumusta ang sembreak?

cathy: okay naman. parang hindi bakasyon.

mom: huuu.. lagi siguro kayong magkasama ni **** noh?

cathy: hindi no. nasa dumaguete siya. me seminar chuvaness.

mom: ah. pero tumatawag naman?

cathy: hindi nga eh.

mom: e siguro nagtetext naman.

cathy: minsan.

mom: ah ganun? baka busy lang.

cathy: busy nga daw.

...

i'm getting the hang of not having you around. even not hearing from you. if this keeps on, i'll probably get used to not having you in my life at all.

you know how easily i adjust to things. or maybe not.

wahoo! ang sarap sa bolinao! beach! beach! sun! sand! at may bonfire pa mamaya!

ang saya na sana, kung nandun lang ako ngayon. pero eto nabubulok sa bahay at nangangarap na lang ng alon habang ang buong village namin e nasa bolinao at nagsasaya. bad trip talaga. buraot.

labo talaga. kala ko talaga papayagan na kami. onti na lang, ihahanda ko na ang gamit ko. but no! bwiset, dahil palagay namin ni bebe ay may nagsulsol kay tita na wag kaming payagan. haruuu.

nag-overnight na lang kami kagabi sa mandarin at nagshopping galore kanina. pampalubag loob ba. okay na sana eh. kaso pag-uwi namin dito, wala. parang ghost town. walang katao-tao, dahil lahat sila, nasa bolinao! aaaah!

kainis. buraot talaga. last sembreak ko na to! at wala, walang kuwenta.

iyakin ako nung bata. sige na nga, hanggang ngayon. kapag malungkot ako dinadaan ko sa iyak, sa paniniwalang pagkatapos tumulo ng mga luha kasama na ring mawawala ang dinaramdam ko.

kanina, umiyak ako ng umiyak ng umiyak ng umiyak ng umiyak. humagulgol, umatungal, ngumawa. oo, parang katulad ng mga namamatayan sa pelikula. nakakatawa na, kung hindi lang nakakaiyak.

ganon yata talaga kapag alam mong mali ka, maling-mali, at wala kang magawa dahil tapos na. humingi ka man ng tawad, hindi sapat, at hindi nito magagawang ibalik sa dati ang lahat. ganon yata talaga kapag alam mong mali ka, maling-mali, at wala ka nang magawa kung hindi ang umiyak dahil alam mong wala na sa mga kamay mo ang mangyayari.

sa gitna ng hikbi at atungal, naisip ko baka kailangan kong magpakalma dahil kahit wala akong hika e baka hikain ako. isa pa, nagtatanong na ang kapatid ko. kaya nagsuot ako ng bikini at tumalon sa swimming pool, umaasang makatulong itong malimutan ko kahit sandali ang inaalala. pero wala, naghalo lang ang uhog at luha ko pati ang tubig sa pool. lalo lang akong naiyak dahil mas maraming dumalaw na alaala, parang gatecrashers na dinumog ako. nahanap ko na lang ang sarili ko na nakalublob, nakaupo, nakayuko at humahagulgol na parang bata sa malamig na tubig.

malamig na nga ang tubig, malakas pa ang hangin. pampasko na talaga. pero para akong humihiling, sige pa lakas pa, gusto kong ginawin. gusto kong manginig, sumuko sa talim ng ginaw. bakasakaling daigin ang sakit na nasa puso ko. ang lamig ng hangin, ang lamig lamig, tumutusok ang ginaw.

sa panginginig sa lamig, nakalimutan ko ang pag-iyak.

pero pag-angat ko sa pool, pagpunas ko ng tuwalya ko, pag-upo ko dito sa kama ko, bumalik lang lahat ng sakit na akala ko'y napalitan na ng ginaw. nandito pa, full force pa rin. wala na nga lang ang luha.

hihintayin ko ang pulmonya.

i don't think it's unusual for girls to take trips to their favorite salon and get whatever fixed when they are feeling down. my fave place is the bench fix in rob metro east. nothing special, but i've been going there since i can remember that the staff already knows me. plus, my stylist manny gives great hair coloring jobs.

while watching Lea Salonga sing sana maulit muli in ASAP kanina, tears again welled up in my eyes. sabi tuloy ng sister ko, "ate masyado ka yatang emosyonal ngayon, lahat na lang iniiyakan mo. samahan mo na lang ako sa parlor." so i did. i wasn't actually planning on getting anything done, la akong pera. but the emotional spender in me won. so i got my hair colored.

therapy din ang pumunta sa parlor. lalo na kung magpakulay ka ng buhok. ang tagal tagal kasi, so you have all the time in the world para mag-isip. at marami akong naisip. mga mali ko, mga posibleng mangyari, mga posibleng dialogue kapag nag-usap na kami, mga scenario. dahil sobrang boring at nabasa ko na yata lahat ng magazine na nandun, napilitan akong mag-isip dahil wala nang iba pang puedeng gawin. it's kind of ironic because i went there to escape my problems for a while, but i ended up confronting them.

anyway, every year pala may contest ang lahat ng branches ng mga company ni ben chan like bench, bench fix, human.. tapos ang gimik ng mga taga-fix kanina, mulawin. when bebe and i got there, di pa sila in full costume. but when the judges arrived ayun, bonggacious.



o diba, nagpa-feekture pa talaga ako sa kanila. galeng eh napatawa nila ako kahit papano at nagpapasalamat ako para dun.