sige na nga, sasagutan ko na rin.

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
use ketchup, eat grilled pusit, drive out of town (todo dasal yung mga kasama ko),

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
i don't make new year's resolutions.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
no, not really.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
fortunately, no. there were deaths in the family, pero mga lolo ko. we weren't exactly close.

5. What countries did you visit?
the country of my thoughts.

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
travel, beach, sleep, determination, discipline, real goals.

7. What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
july 1.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
going for what i wanted and getting it, production work for bluerep. oh, i eat veggies now too.

9. What was your biggest failure?
there was this time when my bestbud needed me and i got too busy to spare time for her. i failed to be there for her when she needed me most.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
hmm. di naman.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
bigay ni mamsi, ipod mini. yung ako bumili, wala. kuripot ako eh. heheh.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
my mom. nag-mature na siya although medyo loopy pa rin. coolness.

13. Whose behaviour appalled you and made you depressed?
yung nakatira sa loserlandia. hindi naman ako na-depress.

14. Where did most of your money go?
gas! and food.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
my trip to quiapo, merrily we roll along, spending time with mom.

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
wahehe. ikaw ang lahat sa akin.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? definitely happier
ii. thinner or fatter? fatter yata.
iii. richer or poorer? same lang yata. but i have savings now.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
studying. time with my kapatids.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
procrastinating.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
spent it here, with the whole family. minus my 2 brothers and my sister-in-law pala.

22. Did you fall in love in 2004?
yes.

23. How many one-night stands?
wala.

24. What was your favourite TV program?
american idol siguro. i watched it religiously.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
no.

26. What was the best book you read?
i only read a few. da vinci code was pretty good, chronicle of a death foretold was astig. high fidelity din. essays in love remains a favorite.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
the putumayo collection. i want all of 'em!

28. What did you want and get?
a beautiful relationship.

29. What did you want and not get?
can't think of anything right now.

30. Favorite film of this year?
eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
turned 20. it was so uneventful, i forgot na what i did.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
i'm pretty satisfied as it is. or maybe im too complacent. hehe. i guess more achievements. ewan.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
pink (yuck). monochromatic. but it was more colorful, more lively towards the end of the year.

34. What kept you sane?
my family. jope. my friends.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
wala.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
i feared that FPJ (rip) would win the elections. with all due respect to the man, i just didn't think he was fit to run the country.

37. Who did you miss?
my kuyas, yoyo.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
jope. and raxee.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004.
sabi nga ni bobbyguev sa klase sa theo141, ang mga laging nananalo ay yung mga nagtataya. mas malaking pagtataya, mas malaki ang puedeng mapanalunan. hindi ito sa sugal ha. pero puede rin, ang buhay naman, parang sugal rin.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year
"i know what i want, and i want what i know."

funny how the sudden, unannounced change in the tabulas templates made me realize that. i was contented with my layout and never thought of changing it. well, except if raxee's doing it. (she's uber talented.) when i found it totally changed and i couldn't bring back the old layout like it was. actually, i was able to get back the old layout but the usericon won't show beside the entries. it's just not the same without the pickies, so i settled for this. (darn, now i don't have a counter. or will have to start from zero again.)

anyhoo, notice what i wrote above. i easily get attached to things. things. not people. at least not those i'm involved with romantically.

okay. maybe not. but maybe, i just don't remain attached to them after the relationship has exhausted itself. weird, but im more sentimental when it comes to things rather than relationships.

for example, i finally changed fones. my 7650 has retired and was replaced by a 7610. (yabang mehn. heheh.) but every now and then i use my old phone just because there are so many messages, so many happy moments contained in the 4mb memory of that fone. i refuse to sell it simply because i cannot let go of all that is in there. i can't dare erase anything.

however, when it comes to romantic relationships, its not the same. give me a week, and i'm good as new. no trace of the previous adventure whatsoever. like i said in a previous entry, i easily get used to things. and situations, if i may add.

(maybe this is bullshit. maybe i'm not making any sense. but allow me to wallow in this a bit more. this is my tabulas, after all.)

so what's the point? what the hell am i saying here?

i don't know, really. just felt like writing something about how i miss my old template and how the new one isn't so perfect for me.

and how that is so opposite of what my boyps and i have. i don't miss anybody else, just him. he's just perfect for me. and unlike material things, this one i cannot possess. and i'd rather not because i wouldn't want to be with him just because i got so attached to him that i can't let go anymore. i'm with him because i choose to be with him.

this one i do not own, and he can leave anytime. this one i don't posses and that's how it should be. he can leave anytime he wants to but he chooses to stay. he's here because he wants to be here. not just because i can't let go.

...

shit. raxee told me a few days ago that my entries are getting cheesier and cheesier. i can't help it. rather than rant about school or whine about things that i cannot really change, i'd rather talk about things that make me happy.

but yeah, enough cheese already. regular programming soon.

it's just the second week of the year and i'm almost running out of enthusiasm. when i think about all the work that has to be done, my mind goes to panic mode and then automatically shuts down.

six weeks more. six weeks na lang. i can smell freedom. but before that, i die a little every day.

...

went jogging last tuesday after my 430-6 class. i've said it one hundred million times, but i really love ateneo at night. it was damn windy, damn cold. perfect jogging weather.

i remembered so many things while i went around ateneo. i missed my teammates most, cos we used to jog around the campus a lot for warm up before training.

i miss playing.

and i miss wearing scandalous cycling shorts and getting away with it.

and i'm still downloading songs! my crappy dial up connection takes forever to download one friggin song.

but i can't not download it!

see, i was really just gonna send my CTK part to the egroups but then my random surfing brought me to this site. and this site had my destiny's songs in his blog! OMG!

no, "my destiny" is not a new pop artist, he's some guy who used to study in my current school who had the bestest voice i have ever heard. when he starts to sing, oh, he's a god alryt. and he looks good too. shetness. no, he doesn't have an album, but apparently he recorded his own songs. that's why i can't not download it for tomorrow it might be gone!

aaah! destiny, destiny!

yeah, i called him my destiny because i had this huge crush on him two years ago and i everytime i saw him i'd say to elga, "ang destiny ko!"

pathetic, i know. but it was so much fun too. :p

tita was pooing kanina when i passed by the bathroom and she told me that we're leaving the evening of good friday. good, cos i really wanted to leave as soon as possible so i can come back and go to the beach.
...

i'm feeling pretty weird because for the first time in my life, i wish i was older. i want the rest of my life to start now. i have a good good feeling that what i know is what i want, and i want it now and i want it forever.

sinundo ko kahapon si father ferriols sa san jose seminary para ihatid sa CTC para sa awarding ata yun ni manny dy. kung bakit at kung paanong napunta sakin ang task na yun, huwag mo nang itanong. labo, pero kabado talaga ako kaya nagpasama ako kay kay cha, tapos sumama na rin si pom.

isa lang masasabi ko. actually, namen ni cha. mysterium tremendum et fascinosum. (sa mga nagphilo 103 na, maiintindihan niyo to. kung di naman, basta magegets niyo na rin). hindi ako/kami makapagsalita. alam mo yung feeling na parang sobrang great presence yung nasa harap mo? parang malaking-malaking bahagi ng history (at least ng philosophy sa ateneo) ang nasa harap mo at para bang nauutal ka at hindi makapagsalita. oo, parang parehas ng feeling kapag nakatabi mo yung ultimate crush mo, pero mas pa doon. eto hindi ka giddy, hindi ka kinikilig. parang natatakot ka pero mas yung feeling na you're in awe. tama, that's the word: awe.

shet, nakasakay na si father ferriols sa kotse ko, shotgun pa. heheh. astig. at ang cute cute pala niya kapag nagpapasalamat. heheh.

why oh why do i stay up all night doing nothing?

i should be writing my paper on marilou diaz-abaya's two films. instead i've been surfing all night, looking for nothing in particular really.

oh, yahoo has this really nice job searching thing. found a number of jobs i was interested in. man, i'm just more and more convinced that i should pack my yellow room and head to the land of the brave, home of the free. or is land of the free, home of the brave? whatever.

i'm sort of giving myself a deadline. see i'm going on a vacation right after graduation. but i'll be back here by the last week of april. if it's august and i'm still unemployed, then i will explore my options in the states.

oh god, i told myself i'll never sell out. (yes, there was a point in my life when i firmly believed that if i work in the states, it's equivalent to selling out.) but i guess life really changes you. it has changed me over the last six months. i'm more idealistic now, but even more practical. it's a weird combination actually. it's funny how i feel like i know exactly what i want to do with my life but then i don't know where to start. like i'm so excited and can't wait for the rest of my life to begin but then i'm really anxious and scared of what can happen.
...

i went around the job fair booths around noon and passed resumes to a number of companies. felt weird. mixed feelings cos i wanted companies to take notice and to actually hire me but then again, i sort of don't want that too cos that might mean i would have to stay here. labo.

right now, the working in the states set up is more appealing. it's not just the monetary thing. like i told my bestbud, i would like to be able to start from scratch, to start some place where i do not have to live up to expectations and just be myself. to take on a job knowing that i have no one else to depend on and be kickass great because i know i have to. to be successful in my own terms. to help send my kapatids to school because it's such a bonding experience to do so. my kuya jr pays for my tuition. yes he's cool, and damn rich. hahaha. it's sorta like a tradition in the family. my kuya louie sort of supported kuya jr too. i would like to be able to do that too.

oh and yeah, i would like to be able to save enough money to start my own family. (you can cringe now raxee.) for some it's a six-figure monthly income, but for me a happy family is all that i really want. and yeah, i have great chances of getting that. the only thing i lack is the moolah. but that'll be easy cos i'm done with the harder part. (okay, you can cringe again raxee.)

now if i can only be brave enough to tell tita about this. haha.

i saw a recent picture of you. pretty weird to see you again.

you haven't changed much. same old same old. if you were wondering how i was, you only need to click the archives and read all about what i have been up to since i last saw you sitting on the sidewalk when i left seven months ago. who knew it would be the last we'll see of each other?

remember when when we chanced upon you on the road one time? i'm pretty sure you saw us. i didn't mean to rub salt to injury, i guess me being me, i wanted to see how you'll react for ego's sake.

between you and me, i was always the mean one. sometimes i think i pushed you to be like me and when you finally were, i couldn't handle it anymore so i dropped you. but that's putting too much credit/blame on myself. we both had our faults and differences. we didn't find forever/fullness in each other.

i found mine na and i'm really happy where i am now. i hope you do too.