sadomasochist

perhaps it was the rain that brought on all the ateneo memories that i had with you. you know how event the most random things can set off nostalgia at the most unexpected time. i remember anticipating you and your black payong in the ctc walkway whenever i got out of polsci class a few weeks into the first sem last year. seeing you made my whole day. even if it was just for 5 seconds, even if we hardly said anything, even if i had to whisper my i love yous to myself because i couldn't tell you, not just yet.

perhaps it was you talking about your lesson while we waited for our fingers to turn wrinkly in the pool yesterday. i always looked forward to listening to you in class, and sitting in a year later even if it meant hearing the lesson all over again. and i loved it not because were my boyfriend but because you are excellent at what you do.

perhaps it's because i work on the same street where you do yet we cant spend your breaks eating merienda anymore. that i'd have to content myself with pugon pandesals and a cheese spread in front of my computer instead of chicken alfredo and mint tea in your cubicle.

perhaps i just miss you, like i always do, even if we see each other most days.

perhaps it's just me. but then again, it's you.

the first two weeks of my employed life was hell. i have never felt as poor and depressed (haha) all my life. every night i'd wish for something better, i'd wish i can go back to school and get back even just a little bit of that haven we used to have.

i guess i was sad all the time because i knew i couldn't, and foolish me, i thought it was the only way i could be careless, happy, and free. but like i said, it's you. you made life anywhere worth smiling about.

thank you for your patience when i lost mine. for not giving up on me when i have given up on myself. thank you for always finding ways to make me smile. for the black eyed peas cd, for queer as folk season four, for the bottomless popcorn and the starwars movienight, for surprising me in so many ways. i have found my smile again and i'd have to say that you deserve all the credit.

life is indeed beautiful, but it's even more lovely because you're there.

sadomasochist

this is the best indepence day celebration ever! i just got back from the beach.

on a whim, jope and i decided to go to batangas and scout for a place where we can practice skimboarding. kahit na wala pa kaming skimboard! haha. so we went online yesterday afternoon and looked for the nearest beach. such fun!

what's best is that while we already enjoyed the sun, sand, and frisbee.. we met someone who brought a skimboard with him. actually, we asked him where he got it and he let us borrow it. wheeee! skimboard galore. at di pa dun nagtatapos ang lahat. he offered to sell it to us! eh shempre binili na namin. yahooooo! we have our own skimboard na. our first joint property. i'm gonna name him skimmy.

happy happy joy joy!

...

in one of our previous conversations, i asked jope if he thought God has favorites. he said that it wasn't farfetched, that it was possible.

i feel like i'm one if his favorites. i am one of his favorites. you might say who the hell am i to say so, but then who the hell are you to say i'm not? and even if he doesnt play favorites, i really feel like one. my life isn't perfect but there are always little suprises that make me feel really lucky, blessed, loved, content.

sadomasochist

i cannot sleep. too many things going on in my head. too many things i have to say but haven't said yet.

.

in two weeks, jope and i will turn a year old. in a month i would probably be engaged, if he proposes. in three months i plan to move to the states and start my life there. in a year i will most likely be married.

don't look so shocked, you knew this was coming. don't ask me when or how, or why so soon. because if you asked me when i knew i'd say it was from day one. if you asked me how, i'd say it just happened. if you asked me why so soon, i'd say you'll understand when you find the one. but then again i might just say no comment. oh and yeah, i'm not pregnant or anything like that. some people do marry because they love each other.

..

on thursday i have a job interview that was a month too late. it's for a dream position but i'd have to skip work if i decide to go.

sometimes i wonder how life would be if all plans were shelved and i was back to square one. things would be easier for sure. but then how can you settle for mediocrity when you know you can have the best?

i made my decision a long time ago and it's not going to change. as to whether i will regret it if it blows up in my face, we'll have to see. 

pag-ibig ito.

and everyday i am reminded that i am not lost by this oh so tacky mini poster in my officemate's cubicle that says love never fails.

it's my neon sign. i have no doubts, i am on the right track.

.

i wish i can say i feel sleepy now, but i don't. but yeah, i have to sign out. it's getting late.

don't forget to send your gift. hahaha. just kidding.