sadomasochist

happy anniversary jope!

one hella amazing year.

last night while we were watching war of the worlds, i knew i could endure the worst with you. haha. :p

love and more love. happy!

(pickie post)

meet joe black is one of our favorite movies, and for our anniv, this was one of his gifts for me:

it was such a riot, seeing this. but you can't deny it's awfully sweet.

dinner at le souffle

i'm hungggry!

tea at the lobby lounge in makati shang. bad service, can i just say? but that can't ruin our night.

here's to the splendid year we had and to more fantabulous years together!

sadomasochist

"kapag tinanong ko yung tanong na 'will you marry me?', binabalikan ko uli ang lahat ng karanasang nagdaan. iniipon sa mga katagang 'will you marry me?' at binubuhay ko muli ngayon. kaya ang pagbigkas ay hitik sa karanasan ng pag-ibig, higit sa pagtatanong lang. binibigkas ko uli ang lahat ng atin ngayon."

about a week ago, jope said these words to me. little did i know that a week after he'll be popping the question.

we were supposed to go swimming. he was supposed to be coming from work. i got home, bag on one hand and my sandals on the other. when i saw the lighted paperbags on the stairs, i shrugged and thought it was one of my brother's art projects. so i went upstairs not giving it much thought, although somehow i knew this was for me.

and it was. the paperbag lights lead to my room. without really stopping to think, i opened the door and there he was. and the rest, you already know.

he said i had this inis face on when i entered the room. to be honest, i really didn't realize it was gonna be d-day. we've talked about it so much i couldn't believe this was for real. i cried. and punched him. if you know me, you know that i am awfully hard to surprise. hay.

my ring is beautiful. he designed it himself. it's very me.

.

i didn't really have the chance to explain my answer to the question, so here it goes.

i say yes. and when i said yes, know that i have spent nights thinking about it, that i have asked myself the three questions over and over. i can live with it, i can die for it, and i can face the lord with this decision. it's not just because the ring is beautiful. hehe. i am my best self when i am with you.

i find myself running out of words. but know that when i said yes, it was not just because there was no other reply. it was not just because i was in the moment and that i couldn't say no. know that i meant what i said and everything that goes with it.

i once prayed for someone like you. i didn't expect He'll actually give me you. i love you. i love you forever.

.

pickies! (oh but it was so much beautiful in person.)

sadomasochist

i took the train to recto this morning. we had a book fair in intramuros and i had to get there before 830. didn't take the car because i didn't know how to get there by myself and well, because gas is so expensive these days.

i love train rides. this morning, i realized that i love it even more when i'm alone. i met with my long lost and sorely missed self, took the first available train in santolan and headed to recto, excited and scared.

i enjoy peoplewatching, it's one of my guilty pleasures. i like to observe people, watch them in their unguarded moments, notice their smallest gestures. i make up stories in my head which make it all the more interesting. and then it launches questions that i try to answer which leaves me with even more questions.

 like for example the two little girls and a dad who stepped in the train from the anonas station. i figured they weren't sisters and the guy was one of the girl's dads. lets call them curly kid and straight kid, because their hair are curly and straight. curly kid was very touchy, and straight kid was a little shy. curly girl liked to smell straight girl, and she even gave her a long kiss on the cheek. there was something about the way she looked at and acted toward the straight kid that made me think that she liked her, more than she should.

and then it made me think if she was a dyke, and if at nine years old she sort of knew. and it made me think that curly kid might have a crush on straight kid and her father feels it too, that's why he kept on smacking (lightly) his daughter's hands whenever she let go of the pole and held her friend's hands.

but then again maybe it's just me. maybe it's just me and her father, we're both malicious. maybe she just appreciates her friend, maybe she doesn't have a sister, maybe she's just genuinely sweet. maybe i just like to spice things up a bit because if i didn't i would probably have fallen asleep.

.

i like riding trains not just because of my fondness for watching people and making up ostentacious stories about lives they probably don't lead. i like riding trains because it gives me time to think, it's me-time, and don't we all love to indulge our souls? i like riding trains because i get to know myself better, in a way that i would not have known if i didn't take time out to be alone.

i found out that when i think, i like to word them beautifully because at the back of my mind i knew that i had to write this thought down. it's pretty weird, but what's weirder is that when i actually get to writing it down, i seem to have lost the words i crafted. it's not doing me any good. it takes so long to actually process my thoughts because while i do, i am also looking for the right words. most thoughts end up unsaid, all locked up inside my head or worse, lost forever. so i resolve to bringing a small journal, or even just pieces of paper on my next date with myself. (my, my. this is so comm14.)

.

when i got down the train in the recto station, i felt like i was in another place. while riding the escalator to the exit, i saw thatched roofs. they didn't have tires on top of them, just water jugs and clotheslines. i was in a foreign land, and i have to admit that i am happy that that wasn't my home.

while i was on the train, i thought about my life now and in the next months. it made me tear a little to realize that i will be spending more train rides alone in the future but it will be in another place, in another country, where i would have to slowly build home.

sadomasochist

if you know me, you know that my hair is usually tied up in a neat bun, away from my face. it's very simple, but quite functional. but every so often, i get tired of the signature hairdo and i let my curly hair down.

oh god, i'm attempting to write a sorta metaphor to describe how i am feeling and i'm failing at it badly. no! please god no. i hate it when others do that. so i should stop and just that i had a great weekend.

saturday jope and i went to tutuban! first time! yahooo! it was fun, we went all out shopping! grabe, i was able to buy so much for less than two thousand bucks! haha, we even bought military pants. we were laughing at ourselves,how we thought buying matching clothes are so tacky, and how we just couldn't resist to buy them nice pants. sunday we went scrubbing in ateneo. jvp had some promo material that needed to be cleaned up. argh, it was useless exercise but we had fun! we threw endless inside jokes and gibberish were at each other.

so i say let loose every now and then. you don't have to go to a spa, spend oodles of money destressing. sharing firsts with someone you love can be extra special.

.

tagal na rin kaming steady ni jope. sarap ulit makipagkulitan.

sadomasochist

although i appreciate the thought behind it, i don't like the question "anong bago sa'yo?" i almost always answer back "not much" or "nothing really."

i don't know why, but i'm not capable of answering that question. maybe because there isn't really much to say, or maybe formula questions deserve formula answers. maybe because if you were someone really close to me you wouldn't have to ask that because you would know. i'd have told you i was engaged three weeks ago, that i'm planning to leave soon, and that well, things have been steady for the past months.

but then again maybe "kumusta ka na?" or "anong bago sa'yo" is just a ways of saying i've missed you, i've missed having you as a part of my life, and maybe if you'd like, we can still catch up. on the other hand, yeah, that would be nice.

.

mush alert! if you hate sweet things or anything related to weddings, stop reading.

two weeks ago jope and i paid the downpayment for our wedding rings. we weren't really shopping for one, we haven't really set a date and all that jazz. we just went to galle to get a pair of shoes but i couldnt find anything i liked so we went window shopping instead. we got to hearts and arrows (we're both jewelry-holic now) and sat down to check out their wedding bands. jope doesn't wear rings and picky that he is, i thought it was going to be headache to find a ring we both like. but we found it! it was sooo pretty! i swear, i didn't want to take it off anymore.

anyhoo, since we weren't really planning to buy our rings this early, we just decided to come back for it next time. so we went to eat dinner at chef d'angelo na lang.

ah, but our EQs were quite low. it was all we thought about the whole time we were eating. so after dinner, we rushed back to hearts and arrows (which was closing when we got there) and paid the downpayment. we didn't want anybody else to get them.

ganun pala yun when you've already found your ring. you just can't leave without making sure it's yours. it has already made its mark in your life. you've found it, and no other replacement will do. 

sort of like when you've found the one. you can't just wait for the next one to come, because you know there will be no next one.

i can't wait to get them in september. and yeah, we're going to wear them na.  we're not married yet, but so what? heheh. it'll be a promise ring, until we get to buy another pair, for the ceremony itself. that's the good thing about rings. you can have more than just one.